Rinse and Spit
by ginchy-amanda
Summary: This is a Post-Episode piece set after TOW The Stripper Cries. What happened after Ross left Chandler and Monica's apartment that night?


Title: Rinse and Spit  
  
Summary: This is a Post-Ep for "TOW The Stripper Cries". What happend after Ross left Chandler and Monica's apartment?  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: "Friends" and all it's lovely characters belong to Bright, Kauffman, and Crane Productions and Warner Brothers. This is not for profit, but merely for entertainment.  
  
Monica and Chandler sat on their couch, silent, listening to the hum of the street below them. Ross had only just left, storming out muttering something about rinsing his mouth with Listerine. Chandler had snorted and started to comment, but noting the paleness of his wife's face, thought better of it and simply sat next to her on the couch. Minutes had passed in silence; each trying to grasp the concept that Monica's first kiss had been from none other than her brother.  
  
It was just something silly, almost, something that they would probably laugh about later—poor extreme-nerd Ross taking advantage of "Rachel" while she slept, and poor fat Monica, dreaming of kissing boys who never gave her a second glance.  
  
But as the minutes began to pass and a half an hour later Monica still sat, stunned, with her hand to her mouth, Chandler knew he had to intercede. So, Monica and Ross had kissed. Joey had kissed him and Joey was like a brother to him...that was the same, wasn't it? Probably not, he knew, but if it would make Monica feel better...  
  
Chandler moved his arm and cuddled Monica close, kissing the side of her head. "Come on, sweetie, its not that bad is it? Lots of brothers and sisters kiss each other on the mouths..." It sounded lame, even to him, but maybe Monica would buy it.  
  
Monica snorted, but removed her hand from her mouth and looked at him. She raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Really? Name one set of brother and sister who do that."  
  
Chandler wracked his brain, then grinned, "Angelina Jolie and her brother. Remember? After the Oscars a few years ago at the "after party" they showed on E!?"  
  
Monica groaned and placed her head in her hands. "You've got to stop watching so much E!" she mumbled, "Besides, I meant a normal brother and sister pair."  
  
Chandler placed his hand under Monica's chin and lifted her face so that she was looking him in the eye. "Come on, Mon, it's not that bad. Really. So, what. Sixteen years ago you kissed your brother on the mouth. I mean, it's a bit shocking, yes, and probably a bit gross, but it's over now. It happened. It's not like you're still doing it."  
  
Monica made a face, "Yeah, but my first kiss...with Ross. And it's not just that..."  
  
"What?" Chandler asked, noting that she had cut off, and was blushing a bit.  
  
"It's just that—oh! This is so gross! Maybe I should rinse with Listerine, too!" Monica stuck out her tongue and gagged a bit.  
  
"Mon, the only person you've kissed today is me. Unless something happened that I don't know about..."  
  
Monica shook her head.  
  
Chandler continued, "So, what is the big deal? You kissed Ross. Joey kissed me once and he's like my brother. Well, and he's a guy...blech...maybe we should both rinse with Listerine..."  
  
Monica smiled. "I guess I'm just so upset because...well, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who my Midnight Mystery Kisser was and the only person I could come up with was...you."  
  
Chandler frowned, "What?"  
  
"I know it's silly," Monica began, "but I had a crush on you. And I was so mad at you for calling me fat. But I still thought you were cute, even if I did call you an assmunch. So, when I was kissed that night, I was sure that you had done it. I thought that maybe it was your way of saying you were sorry and that maybe you thought I was cute, too...And when we got married I thought how perfect it was that my first kiss came from the man I married...and now I find out that it was Ross! Not only is it sick—it kind of ruined my fantasy." Monica hung her head, still pink in the cheeks.  
  
Chandler clucked his tongue. "So is this what this has all been about? You're grossed out over kissing Ross but you're also upset because our first kiss wasn't sixteen years ago?"  
  
"Yes!" Monica wailed, looking at him pitifully.  
  
Chandler chuckled and pulled her close to him. "Oh, Mon. You never cease to amaze me. I wish I had been your first kiss. Does that help any?" He smiled to feel her nodding against his chest. "Am I at least the person who has given you your best kiss?"  
  
Monica raised her head and grinned. "Well, I don't know...Richard was a pretty good kisser..." she said, running her fingers over his face, "...and Pete was no slouch in that department..."  
  
Chandler made a noise in the back of his throat and pulled his wife close, kissing her soundly on the lips.  
  
Monica made a contented noise and whispered, "You know you're the best kisser I know..."  
  
"Even better than Ross?" Chandler asked, ducking as Monica made a slapping motion at him.  
  
Chandler rose to his feet and drug Monica up with him. "It's been a long day. Let's get ready for bed."  
  
Monica followed him into their bedroom and began to remove her earrings, watching him as he removed his shirt. "I still wish you had been my first kiss," she said, laying her earrings on her dressing table. "It would have been a really sweet story to tell our children and grandchildren."  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, hanging his jacket in the closet, "it would have been sweet. So is this going to be another secret between you, me, and Ross?"  
  
"Oh, yeah," Monica said, walking out of the bedroom.  
  
"Where are you going?" Chandler called, walking to the door of their bedroom and looking out.  
  
He smiled to see his wife, in their bathroom, with her head tilted back, gargling with Listerine.  
  
And, his smile grew even wider, when he looked out their window and saw Ross, in the same position in his apartment.  
  
What had he married into, indeed? 


End file.
